Yoga studios can often feel like an episode of Planet Earth. There are some interesting characters floating around, strange but somehow soothing music pumping through the rooms, and a promise of relaxation and exercise in the air. Next time you are headed in for your favourite yoga class, see if you can spot these 5 typical attendees amongst the crowd. Bonus points for finding all 5 in one room!

The Octogenarian Yogi Master (OYM)

Never ever, ever assume that these attendees are going to struggle in yoga classes. Often perched to the side of the classroom, the OYM  is most likely living in Lamma and has been practising yoga for longer than you have been walking. They will look more comfortable in a headstand than a lizard in the sun, and will have you feeling amazed at how far back their legs can move.

The OYM will most likely have attended a prestigious Ashram in Rajasthan during the 90’s and will usually arrive quietly to the class and leave promptly afterwards without speaking to many people. Don’t be intimidated by their silence, they are usually the nicest ones in the class.

The New Girl (NG)

The NG can often be spotted entering the yoga studio looking a little like Bambi. She will probably have big, frightened eyes, and a smile on her face that says ‘please be gentle with me’.

When the yoga teacher asks if there is anyone new to yoga, she will raise her hand meekly hoping that she won’t have to introduce herself to the class (you won’t ever, don’t worry this isn’t AA).

During the class, you will see her head swivelling around like an owl trying to see what Uttanasana pose could possibly be (hands to the ground, bent over like a wet towel over a washing line), and towards the end of the class she will discover her favourite pose of all: Savasana, or more popularly known as corpse pose. After the class, she will probably have flushed cheeks, be a little wobbly going down the stairs, and probably wondering why no one told her that yoga is actually a lot harder than you think.

Entering your first yoga class is terrifying, and if you suddenly find yourself ticking all the boxes of NG, remember that no one is laughing at you for being there. Instead, all those veteran yogis and even the OYM are looking at you nostalgically remembering their first yoga class before they caught the yogi-bug.

The Yummy Mummy (YM)

Dressed more elegantly than most people at a formal event, the YM is often decked out in the latest and greatest yoga apparel of summer. Her drink bottle will match her yoga mat, her hair-tie will match her Fitbit, and her hair never seems perturbed by the wretched humidity outside.

Often found gracing the cafes of Hollywood Road, and most likely living in Mid-Levels, the YM will always look beautiful before class and somehow even better after class.

Not shy of plastic surgery or botox, the YM will most likely be defying age and time itself. She will be moderately skilled at yoga, and somehow manages to be in every class you attend regardless of time or day.

The Teacher’s Pet (TP)

Often spotted marching into the studio and throwing their mat with such precision you would think it was a race to that spot, the teacher’s pet (TP) is most recognisable by their first-name basis status with the teacher: ‘Hi Mindy, how was Bali?’ and ‘Soho for Happy Hour afterwards?’ and etc.

The TP usually has a few other regulars alongside her, but she is the spokesperson for her friends. She sometimes brings along a reluctant New Girl and spends most of the class whispering adjustments and instructions to her. She is the most helpful to others in the studio and your best source of information of where the bathrooms/drinking fountain/mats/nirvana could be (hint: nirvana is a state of zen that you can find within yourself).

The TP also gets special shoutout privileges during the class where the teacher will specifically give them advice or cheek (‘Lift your leg higher, Susan. That’s better’). They are also the last person to leave the studio, usually chatting to other regulars and gauging whether the class was atypical of said teacher.

The Never-On-Timer (NOT)

This attendee of yoga classes will always be arriving late, always. Whether it be 5, 10, or even 45 minutes late, the NOT will inevitably come flustered and apologetic. The NOT can also be applied to any of the other attendees such as the NOT YM (Never-On-Time Yummy Mummy will arrive with a fresh kale smoothie in hand), or the NOT Teacher’s Pet who will announce their late arrival will a whispered: “sorry Mindy!”

 

At the end of the day, when you attend a yoga studio you’re all there for the same reason: to practice yoga, feel relaxed, and perhaps make a few friends along the way. If you’re looking for a way to take your relaxation to the next level, why not get yourself a massage? At Bloom Me, we have found 10 massages that are under $250. Namaste!

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Yoga studios can often feel like an episode of Planet Earth. There are some interesting characters floating around, strange but somehow soothing music pumping through the rooms, and a promise of relaxation and exercise in the air. Next time you are headed in for your favourite yoga class, see if you can spot these 5…